A Desi by Any Other Name Would Be Just as Brown

What's in a name? If the amount of time spent thinking about it is any indication - everything apparently.

My wife and I have been having an incredibly difficult time coming up with a name for Junior. Any conversation, be it just between us, family, friends or co-workers, always begins serious, with a few credible suggestions and then inevitably devolves into crazy names. This results in suggestions including Ida Amin, Fidel and Lenin. I dont know why, but the conversations always seems to end with the suggestion of a dictators name.

I envy those families that have always known what they are going to name their child. It really must save them a lot of heartache. But my wife and I have really had some disagreements over this. My wife was born in the United States. Her parents, based on their incredibly long Indian last name, decided that they would give her an American Name that was easy to pronounce to go along with the more difficult last name. This has it's benefits (easy to pronounce, never any embarassment when giving your name at Fatburger, not having to repeat it 15 times and spell it out for individuals who have never heard a non-American name). It also has its drawbacks (her cultural identity is often mistaken, including, by other Indian individuals).

My parents on the other, chose to give me a proper Indian name. They of course didnt know when I was born that we would be moving to the U.S. five years later and that the country obviously has a fixation with easy american names. This has resulted in a complex, which it took me years to get over for the most part, yet not completely. When I told my father that we were thinking of something that would indicate our indian roots, but also be easy to pronounce, or even the possibility of a non-indian name he responded with the following story:

When we moved to this country in 1980 with nothing, and he started a job a week later(yes...it only took him a week to find a job - are you shitting me, who moves to a new country, and without the internet or prior job searches, finds a position in less than a week. talk about pressure). At his first meeting, my father stood up and introduced himself and sat back down. Shortly thereafter, another american individual stood up and stated that he could not pronounce my father's names as it was too difficult and introduced himself as having an easy to pronounce name. My father then stood right back up and said "I took the time to learn how to pronounce all of your names, the least you could do is learn to pronounce mine." He then went on to say that he never had a problem with his name again.

Now this is a great and uplifiting story. It shows conviction and a determination to be who you are to not cave to other ideals of what a name, identity or persona should be. But keep in mind that my father was 35 years old at this time. He was already the man that he would be for the rest of his life. He had forged his identity and was old and confident enough to separate the assholes of the world from good folks of the world.

I on the other hand was 5 years old, entering kindergarten, still had to go through adolescence, college and eventually become an adult. This of course resulted in the traditional Indian-American experience of shortening my name, going by a nickname, having my name deliberately mispronounced so that it was easier, etc.

Basically, even though times have changed and Indians are more prevalent in society, the name issue still comes up. I still deal with it every day. Its still a source of not wanting to engage in conversations and avoiding certain things, just because I dont want to have to go through the whole name pronunciation thing.

Although I must admit that there is one fantastic benefit to this. I always stand out. People may not remember exactly how to pronounce my name, but they never forget me. In a world where we are all trying to be unique(how similar of us), and the Toms, Dicks and Harrys of the world may have no problem with introductions and giving their names for reservations, the indian kid with the quirky name, is often the one who is remembered - good or bad, they dont forget.

Therefore, we now struggle with what to name Junior. I dont want him to have the same negative experiences I have had, but when he gets older he will understand the benefits of being different from the rest of the pack. The issue of his cultural heritage is not that big of a deal. My wife speaks our local dialect better, is more respectful of her parents, and is definitely more religious. This is the balance we struggle with. My wife and I's conflicting experiences have left us aware of the what can happen.

We just want a cool name that flows with the 7 constanants in our last name.

Next Time: Does immigrating at the age of 5 make me a FOB?