E-Mail Exchange With Friends

The following is an e-mail exchange that occurred between two friends and I earlier today. I have edited most of the personal information out to protect people's privacy, but I thought I was just preety funny, and if you are having a shitty day you might find it funny as well. For clarification purposes, the characters are Me, Friend 1, Friend 2 and Random Girl. Oh also, we are kind of mean in it.

Friend 1:

Just a recap of Saturday. I started out with a solid hangover... Anyhow, we had the bbq of [friend 2's girlfriend's] friend and her husband in the East Village. We arrived at 1:30ish and quickly took over... A few beers in we were sitting at a table and this girl with very large knockers walked in. Actually, there was another girl that [friend 2] claimed was going to be my next girlfriend. They started recanting stories about the wedding and the girl with huge knockers noted that she got into a brawl with a 10 yr. old girl. Whenever someone brags about beating up children I get very impressed. So, more drinking happens. And more drinking. This girl is really rolling with the punches and even gets all of [friend 2's] extremely obscure references... Finally I was left alone with large knockers... Anyhow, hooking up did happen. [Random Girl] and I took the cab to join [friend 2]. This was a trip of a total 8 blocks. I was fall down drunk at this point... Slowing down on the drinking now as I am close to face down on the bar. We all took the cab back to the Soho area, which is in the opposite direction of [Random Girl's place]. I thought I was in good shape to take her to pleasuretown but she decided that perhaps the nausea feeling wasnt from hooking up with me but too much alcohol and took a taxi home. It was a pretty good Saturday. Only 12 consecutive hours of drinking.


Me:

That sounds like quite the adventure. Hopefully you were sober enough to jerk one off. That seems like a fun night, which could have been funner(its a real word). What happened to the girl that was going to be [friend 1's] next girlfriend. And what has happened with the current girl you are seeing/dating/meeting parents. Does she not get invited to these things?


Friend 1:

The current girl had some business in [out of town], leaving me to my meandering ways. I think I need to send her on her way. The problem is that she is just too nice. I hate this part of a relationship. I need to have a representative, like when a soldier falls in battle, to go the the home of the girlfriend to break the bad news.

Me:

I'll do it. I need her phone number. Forget it, just me her e-mail address. The only proper way to break up with somebody. We've modernized evrything else, why not our relationships. Is this something you plan on doing sometime soon? And will you be getting another crack at Tits McGee.

Friend 2:

I was just waiting for [Me] to come through with the "welcome to Dumpsville! Population: you.". I would just go to Chinatown (they have everything there!) and purchase a pair of cojones and go with that. Dumping nice girls is tough but every day it just gets harder and its obviously worse to leave things dangling. Note: don't mention Tits McGee to [current girl]. Despite their soft, pillowy design, it won't break the fall well.

Friend 1:

You guys should really be writing an advice column. Better yet, something along the lines of the Car Talk. Where people call in and you just laugh at them.

Me:

You know when dumping a girl, its always good to open with a joke. This will have two results: one, she will laugh and it will lighten the mood. And you can tell, I just wanted the last memory of me to be a funny happy one, before I ripped your heart out and wiped my bum with it. Or two, she doesnt laugh and you use that as an excuse for how she doesnt get you,and you have the ball rolling right there.

Friend 2:

Yeah dumping a girl is like yard work - its not fun but if you don't tend to it, things get out of control. That's why its always best to sack it up early on before the weeds take over your property. Besides,those balls have to do some heavy lifting or they'll start thinking their only purpose is to be dipped carefully into a girl's mouth.


The End.

I agree, its not the most mature or even remotely adult conversation, but it is a much more real conversation than you will ever read about in Cosmo. And FYI, Tits McGee wasnt edited in.

Updated Pictures - They Grow Up So Fast

This is one of my favorite pictures of Shaan

He still likes to sleep a lot

Shaan and his cousin - dressed alike for their party

No comment, just a nice picture.

**Aside. Digital cameras suck for photographing newborns. Their smiles can come and go quickly, and the delay on digital cameras (your average ones, not the fancy shit that I dont own) sometimes is just too late. We have too many pictures post great smile, or of the side of his head because of abrupt movements. Aside over.

Check out those guns.

I just like this picture.

B&W still rules.

Another picture showing off the guns.

Becoming Your Father, Hating Your Job and Other Random Thoughts

So I was reflecting on the fact that the quickest way to turn into your parents, is to have children. My father, who is a good man, is not the man I wanted to turn out to be. We are just different people. Without getting into too much that would result in me having to pay any readers money for being on the couch, my father likes to be very organized. Its his thing. So the other day, while trying to figure out what to do for dinner, and peering into the fridge, I caught myself thinking, I wonder how I can organize the fridge better. I mentioned this to Da Baby Mommy, and instead of making fun of like I anticipated she would do, she said that would be a good idea.

I have not done anything yet.

On a more serious note. I hate my job right now. Just about everything involved with it. So I started submitting resumes. The first three went to firms in NYC. All to placement firms. I got a call back on one, within 10 minutes of submitting the resume. Then I got another call back the next morning. 2 out of 3 aint bad. But these are headhunter type people. Everybody they come across is perfect for every job they have ever seen. Their commission is perfect too.

My mom while we were in LA noted the following: That my son has a very similar butt to me. She put a little differently, something along the lines of you both have the same butt. This got me thinking about the fact that my mother has seen three generations of the males in my family's butts. Just kinda weird. Oh and creepy too.

As a follow up to the recent post about little Shaan rolling over - he is now completely rolling over both ways. I saw him roll from one end of a blanket to another. Kind of made me wish that in terms of human evolution, it would haeve been fucking hilarious if we had stopped evolving at the point when we were just rolling, and had to roll everywhere. Awkward but kind of funny.

New Addition to The Things I Thought I Would Never Say

"He had a few extra bits of poop left in his butt, so I just went in there and got them."

Is the context really important? Fatherhood is grand.

Baby Update: Shaan is now rolling over from his stomach to his back with relative ease. I think he well over 14 lbs., but like his old man, comes off looking a lot bigger than he is. He is rolling half way from his back to his stomach. Which means he ends up on his side and then proceeds to suck his thumb. He's also got this new look on his face when he is being carried around in which he appears as if he is stoned and looking leering at a woman.

Long Time No Post

Well it certainly has been a while since I have a had a few clear moments to actually write something down.

I feel I need to explain myself. Well I've decided not to do that, but rather just catch up any readers that are actually still out there on what has happened.

The first week of June, Shaan's namesake came into town with his lady friend. Now this namesake isn't the same as Nikolai Gogol (Ganguli) or anything, but rather one of my best friends, who has the Irish spelling of the name - Sean. Upon informing him that another one of our college friends knocked up his wife (more on that later) and I told him he better hurry and poke some holes in his condoms, cause he doesn't want to be the last one to prove that his boys can swim, he replied that having a kid out there in the universe named after him was good enough. I stand by his decision to not have children, but its too bad, because he would make a really good father.

The second week of June, I don't think much happened. I may have drank a lot and passed out. Which would incidentally also explain my lack of being able to remember. Good times. Good good times.

The third weekend of June, I had a conference in a mountain resort near where I live. The place was awesome and lonely as shit. It would have been great for the family, but these days getting around with the little one is more than a bit of a hassle. Going somewhere overnight, involves a lot of packing:medications, different tiny outfits, thermometer, nasal aspirators, toys, car seats - well you get the point. This was one of those events, where you have to smile, schmooze, drink, eat a lot of food that is made for large groups and generally talk about work.
Barring the smiling and drinking part, its not really my affair, no matter how good I am at it. In adding something to the "never thought I would write this" category of my life, I did look forward to getting home and just going to the mall for the afternoon. Just me, the wife, the kid and a mall. A bit of a disturbing view of Americana. But i just needed something relaxing and that is what is was.

In between these weekends, work and the bar exam have been kicking my ass. Not just a mere ass kicking, more of a human stepping on an ant kind of trampling and leaving for dead sort of thing.

But there was solace in all of that. From June 21-25, I went home to LA. I got to see my nephew for the first time in the 6 months of his life. What a fucking treat that trip was. My wife, my brother's wife and my wife's sister, gave all of their respective husband a hall pass for Friday night. So we went to Vegas.

There are as few things in this world as glorious as Las Vegas. Open all night, drink all you can, general and specialized debauchery. It is perfection. A lot of things had to work out right for that trip, and everything came together perfectly. We had friends from the area that took time off and went with us. A stop over at In n Out on the road there. A fantastic steak dinner, courtesey of casino funny money. Lots of gambling (oh how I love you pai gow poker). Lots and lots of drinking (all the Grey Goose and tonics you can drink, just for gambling hundreds of dollars away - sign me up). A very nice boys trip overall. And the best part, we all came back even or up. Very good times.

The rest of the LA trip was great. My parents had a party to have everyone come over and meet the babies - which was so much nicer than the attempt to see everyone and travel around. Saw some old friends. It was lovely.

Since then, its been work and bar exam. Oh yeah, there was the bout with a wicked stomach flu.

I think for those that cared, you may be all caught up. Incidently, thanks for checking in. I have been so distracted that I haven't been onto some of my favorite bloggers pages to check out what they are up to.

Time to hit the 'publish post' button and start commenting.