The Ten Commandments

If I could pass on 10 truths or commandments to my child they would be the following:

1. Do not watch TV shows with a laugh track. You will be disappointed. If the writers and actors need to prompt you when to laugh by having a canned laughter from others, it will not be funny. You may laugh out loud once or twice, but that is it. These shows appeal to the lowest common denominator. At one point every one of these series if left on long enough will have a character in a panic during an emergency asking "What is the number for 911?" This thought goes for just about anything where you are prompted to give the same response as other. Think for yourself.

2. Once you've reached a certain age, except in rare circumstances, a woman will know if she wants to sleep with you within about 10 minutes of meeting you. If she doesn't want to sleep with you, there is nothing you can do. If she does, it is yours to mess up. So if you think a woman is into you and you fail to sleep with her, you did something to fuck it up.

3. Don't define yourself by religion, ancestry, nationality, race, place you were born or city you were raised in. The second you make yourself a part of a group, you immediately exclude those who are not a part of it. People are people, each of the above listed groups has good folks and bad folks, people you will get along with and those you do not. The arbitrariness of such things is wholly defined by things you have no control of and could just as easily have been another category.

4. It is better to have a few very good friends than a whole bunch of mediocre or fair weather friends. It may be lonelier, but the moments with your real friends, which feel like a day hasn't passed though it may be months since you have seen each other, will let you know it is worth it.

5. You can believe in God, but don't think for a second that s/he will answer prayers or do anything to affect your life. Prayer may help people, but that's because all it does it make them think that actions are out of their control and some benevolent being wants it all to be alright for them. Your life will be dictated by your actions, the actions of those you surround yourself with and a bunch of random people who have never heard of you. If something bad happens, its not God or luck, it just is. Deal with it. Don't follow an organized religion. If you want to take a leap of faith and believe that a man can ascend to heaven after his death and not believe that a human can have a head of an elephant, you are getting yourself into trouble. Religious leaders are no different than political leaders By being a member of an organized religion, you immediately claim that because you understand the supreme being, everyone who doesn't is wrong. You better have some proof to back that up. Religious texts are not proof, they are something some douche bag wrote a long time ago to get others to act like they do because they feel safe in conformity or to act in such a way for their benefit.

6. Travel but don't be a tourist. Don't take pre-arranged trips with only tourist destinations. The locals of any culture/place are so much more interesting that the tourist destination they live near. That is not to say that you shouldn't see the tourist destination(it is one for a valid reason), but don't make it your only stop.

7. Always questions the actions of any government. Leaders of the world/state/local offices are just as self interested as you. Everyone has a motivation for doing what they do.

8. Learn to play an instrument. Chicks dig it.

9. Love what you do for a living. If not, don't talk about it after work hours. There is nothing more annoying than hearing other people bitch about their work. Leave work at work. Its fine to talk about exciting things and major changes. But if you hate your job that much, quit and get one where you don't complain at the end of the day. The constant complaining will wear on you and reflect in other areas of your life. Money isn't everything. If you work too much, but get a great salary, the money you get isn't going to bring back your youth or your time with friends/wife/children. Better to be poor and drinking a Pabst with your friends, then rich and drinking the finest wine alone.

10. Read. A lot.

*More on this later.

Next time: What would 11 be?