The Recap

A brief recap of my Sat. evening and Sunday.

6:32 p.m. Drive to see the in-laws in town about 50 miles away. Its a small town that is characterized by the fact that schools get a day off on the first day of hunting season. We see an only Ford Truck as we are driving out with a bumper sticker that reads "This car was made with tools, not with chopsticks." Are you fucking kidding me. Some people are just too stupid to even help.

11:15 p.m. Attend St. Pat's party at my father in law's golfing country club with him. I am the only individual in the place who is under the age of 50. They have a DJ that does not play a song made after 1975.

11:17 p.m. Determine that his is what hell must be like. Conclude that the only way for me to not kill myself from depression by being in this situation is to drink a lot. Order first drink.

11:22p.m. Order second drink.

11:29 p.m. Order third drink.

11:30 pm. Slightly buzzed and realize that no amount of alcohol is going to make the situation better and remember that I still have to get up in the middle of the night for help with the burping and holding my baby upright after feeding.

Sunday

12:30 a.m. - Arrive back at in-laws. Proceed to get ready for bed. Kind of tired. Its dark. Get my toothbrush out of the travel bag. Grab small tube of paste.

12:31 a.m. 12 sec. -Start brushing my teeth.

12:31 a.m. 37 sec. - Notice a funny taste.

12:31 a.m. 43 sec. - Grab tube of toothpaste to see if some natural toothpaste that my wife got from Trader Joe's or something.

12:31 a.m. 44 sec. Read back of toothpaste. Specifically read portion that says "in case of anal itching..."

12:31 a.m. 45 sec. to 12:34 a.m. - begin spitting violently all of the contents in my mouth.

12:35 a.m. - Ask my wife why she would pack the cortisone creme, which looks eerily similar to a travel toothpaste tube with the toothbrushes. Inform her that I just brushed my teeth with ass itch creme.

12:37 a.m. Wife stops laughing.

(Fall asleep, wake up for one feeding. Lazy Sunday watching basketball and golf all day. Took a nap for one hour too.)

7:01 p.m. Depart for home.

8:11 p.m. Shaan has a massive blowout after a 5 days of constipation. It takes us 4 diapers on top of the one that he was wearing to get a handle on the problem. My wife was so happy that she decided to call her sister to share the good news and not help me take care of the situation.

11:30 p.m. Fall asleep. I have this crazy dream that my wife and I are back in L.A. and driving toward the 10 fwy from our old apartment. Up in the sky I see two planes crash into each other. One starts falling straight to the ground with smoke behind it. We see it crash in the distance with an explosion. Then in the sky we see another collision of helicopters. One falls to the ground as well. Then we see a guy a makeshift flying contraption with wings and bike pedals start falling to the ground. He crashes right in from of us, under the front of the car. We get out hurriedly. I tell my wife to call the police and tell them we are on Wilshire and the 10 fwy(in actuality the part of the city we were in Wilshire and the 10 fwy are parallel. The street resembled either La Cienaga or Fairfax). As I walk up the guy laying on the ground to see if he is alive, he yells something and jerks back shoots me in the stomach. He stand up, as I fall to the ground. (Oh one of the thing. All of my dreams and memories are in third person. I don't have memories through my eyes, but I see myself, as if I were watching it on TV.) He then turns and shoots my wife. That's when I woke up this morning. If there is anyone out there who knows anything about dream interpretation, I could sure use the help. Or just make something up that sounds pretty cool.