The Carnival Life

A few posts back one of the readers commented that I should be wary of Shaan peeing in my mouth while I am changing. So there I was two days ago. My changing of the diaper has not slowed down any, but because I am so tired I get distracted by shiny objects and noises very easily. Its one of those situations where you are so tired that images and sounds enter your head, but don't actually process. Where you hear something, and it just repeats over and over again in your head but doesn't make any sense.

So on this fateful day the little one is crying just a little bit, and its just before the time for a feeding. I grab him and put him on the changing table. I remove the old diaper and place it to the side. I give him a good wipe, when I get distracted. I don't know what it was, but it could have been an ant, a car honking, the dog, whatever. I turn for what seemed like only a second. As I turn back with the new clean diaper in hand, it begins. But recalling the reader's admonition about being careful, I start to dodge the urine stream heading straight for my mouth. Side note, I chose not to use the diaper to deflect the urine, because last time I did that it ricocheted off of the diaper and went all over the baby, including a few drops on his face and over the changing table, requiring me to change the baby and all the sheets.

So I start to dodge the urine. But like one of those carnival games, where the player has a water gun and must hit a target, like clown's mouth, allowing a balloon to grow to certain size till it pops before the other player's balloons, Shaan kept aiming for my mouth. I was clown. I swear no matter how I dodged it, the stream kept following me. All the while he is laying there cooing. My wife stood there watching this and after it was all finished in a true testament to timeliness says "yeah you should watch out for that he usually pees after he wakes up and is ready to eat." I thanked her for the information.

Last night after I had unsuccessful tried to get the kid to fall asleep, we were sitting on the couch and watching whatever droll television was on that particular evening, when I feel this warmth around my belly. Apparently earlier in the day to avoid the aforementioned situation, I was too hasty is putting on his diaper and it came loose. He peed through his onesy(sp?) and onto me. Startled at first, I thought, this is still better than getting it in the mouth. But I couldn't put him down because he had just eaten and needed to be held up for a while. About five minutes after the peeing his decides to spit up a good chunk of his meal all over me. The lesson, if you are excited about having children, please know that the good outweighs the bad every time. But bear in mind there will be days when you will be covered in urine and breast milk mixed with baby bile and just have to sit there keep on watching that rerun of 'Scrubs.'

I also told Shaan that my wife's breasts are on temporary loan to him from me. They are mine and I will want them back shortly. Eventually, I told him, he will have to go into the world and get his own. He might even want to try a few own before he settles on the ones he likes. But that one day he will have to temporarily bequeath them to his child. Elton John's 'Circle of Life' plays in the background.

I am so fucking tired. I got a little less than 5 hours of very interrupted sleep last night. We have been trying to put Shaan on a schedule, but he keeps doing his own thing. He is kind of a rebel that way.

Next Time: Here's hoping I don't have to write a blog about Mira Nair fucking up the movie version of Jhumpa Lahiri's "The Namesake"